The Expendables is a pretty awful movie. The plot makes no sense, events happen one after another without regard for things like coherence or clear narrative, and the whole premise of the thing – all those action heroes of the ’80s – is never really delivered on. On top of all that, it lacks the one-lines you’d expect from a film like this, and the fight scenes ain’t even all that great (and the special effects look pretty bad, especially for such a recently-made film).

Also, everyone looks really leathery and stuff. The entire cast seems to be made of beef jerky.